i.
Soft I was,
flat and empty, punched
open by grief it drained
me whole. I was damp
with it so I slept, ants
exploring the arm
curled
beneath my head.
And you were there
to stand guard,
keep the flat sad girl
safe.
ii.
"She's not
worth it."
"I know."
"This isn't the same."
"I know."
"All pain is the one pain. It's our truth. All grief the same grief, here,
let me sew shut this gaping seam that has opened along you."
"I know, I know,
let me cry,
let me leak.
It will do the
flowers
good."
iii.
I read "Siddhartha"
to find peace. Herman Hesse
is a mystery to me I
can't
feign attention
any more.
It tired me. I fell asleep.
And you were there
to stand guard,
keep the flat sad girl
safe.
iv.
"I shed so much."
"I know."
"I give up so much to this
mute
horror of walls."
"I know."
"Please don't leave me alone. Please don't
make me
go
inside I can't
be
inside again."
"I know. I'll sit here,
I'll
stand guard. You fill up
again I'll
be here."
v.
Go outside where
the ducks find
happiness in sludge
worms grass maneuvering
big improbable bodies through
the grass thick orange ankles
paddling the soil
towards us
liquid eyes hoping we
can give them
something.
Sit here; stay with me.
We'll watch the little ones
grow, the big ones
get older.
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