chaos, order, clipped bird-like into wings & cries. i could only ever think: paula. all the thrusts & pumps that could never be. "all" that must be withheld, & that it might be better that way.
you gave me the gift: savoring wanting. how it really was you i wanted. not a body but a soul. i tell myself i've "been through you", forever & never. zero here, same as two. empty. saturated. dark.
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